Heartbreak

Today my heart breaks. My heart aches for Sudan. I wish we could have left differently. I wish we would be heading back there in the near future. I do not understand why but I do know that God is in control. And I am praising Him today for this heartbreak and for the "underground" church that is standing strong in the sand. Sudan, forever in my heart, I hope to return one day.


How can a day be a day without a night? 
How can a win be a win without a fight? 
I will not be shaken by the troubles up ahead; I'd rather trust Your
Goodness instead... 

Thank you for the heartbreak, thank you for the pain. Thank you for the
Sadness on the gloomy days of rain. Thank you that the hard times have a
Reason and rhyme. Thank you that the healing makes the beauty shine. 

How could a love be a love without a cost? 
How could a life be a life
Without the lost? 
No, I will trust my senses over anything you say, oh it's
Harder, but it's better this way.

Thank you for the heartbreak, thank you for the pain. 
Thank you for the
Sadness on the gloomy days of rain. 
Thank you that the hard times have a
Reason and rhyme. 
Thank you that the healing makes the beauty shine. 

When there's no sign of you. When I'm lost, hurt and used. You are there
Hurting too... 

Thank you for the heartbreak, thank you for the pain. 
Thank you for the
Sadness on the gloomy days of rain. 
Even in my worst times Your my reason
And rhyme. 
Thank you that the healing makes the beauty, it makes the
Beauty shine.

Thank you for the heartbreak.
Oh, thank you for the heartbreak.
Thank you for the heartbreak.

What if the road to the goal were the easiest road and I never learned what
I know?

Downhere "For the Heartbreak"

Godparents

Godparents. An idea that I had never thought of until I had children of my own. We were pregnant with Daphne, and flooded with all the thoughts of joy, excitement, unknown, absolute terror, and so many other things of bringing a child into the world. You think about your life so far, what decisions you made, what you needed, and we thought about godparents. I never had any specifically, but I had people in my life to walk with me alongside my parents. I have great parents, but I think it is important to have people you (as parents) trust that your kids can go to in a time of need as well. 

We asked our dearest friends, Christian and Stephanie Koeshall. These two people are godly, wise, kind, realistic, loving, share a similar life, and are the absolute best people we know. Our kids can go to them with everything and anything and we know they will give sound, Godly advice. 

What I want most is for my children to be zealous for Jesus, to follow Him always, obey Him always, and share who He is with others always. 


Words will never be able to explain what Chris and Steph are to us and our family. 

Thank you for raising these kids with us. Thank you for loving Daphne, Ava, Henry and Fiona. Thank you for your prayers, friendship, love, advice, generosity and willingness to live life alongside of us. 

We love you.

 

Joy

I thought I would write something about each of my children, their personalities, idiosyncrasies, and all around awesomeness. I would be remiss if I didn't mention my first who never saw the outside.

I recently read a blog about a mother who had a miscarriage. And the truth is no one understands how you feel. Horrible things are said to you in an attempt to comfort you, but nothing does. No one understands what it is like to have life inside of you turn to death. 

I was 12 weeks along when we found out. It was my first pregnancy, so of course, you don't even imagine this happening. My doctor was amazing and she carried me through this and my other three births. 

I didn't know how to grieve, how to cope, how to move forward. I finally went to counseling and the Lord brought people into my life who could truly speak to me in a way I needed. I read a book that helped put words to my thoughts...how do I grieve a baby I never knew?

I did know her though, and my first baby brought me to a new place in life, to a new place with God. It is like any death. I will always be sad, I will never know why. But my comfort was after crying, being angry at God for not saving my baby, being confused and angry at others who were having children, to Jesus letting me know that He had my baby with Him taking care of her and that I will see her soon enough.

We named her Joy because her life brought us much joy. 

Thank you Lord for bringing me through this and giving me 4 beautiful children.

Joy, your mommy will always love you, and I will see you and hold you one day.

Never take this life for granted.

The Lie

The Lie. The lie that is cross cultural, cross language, cross age groups, but resides in the hearts of mothers everywhere. This is the lie Satan uses to distract, destroy, and demean. 

As I sat in a large group of women across the world we began to confess. The number one thing that we all felt burdened with guilt from was, "I am not doing enough." The first time the words were spoken was from a mother who came to the capital for one year to obtain language and would then go to the remote places of the country with her three young boys. While they were all studying Arabic, she was also homeschooling them and visiting her neighbors on a regular basis, helping out at a local "gathering," and...the list kept going. I so admire her, but the lie still crept in..."I am not doing enough. My life here for Him is not counting for anything." As more and more of us spoke, it was the same underlying lie. Basically, at it's root, "I am not enough."

So whenever that lie perks it's nasty head, remember, that life is full of seasons. And each season looks different. This was the best advice I got when I first moved here. I was told that some seasons all I will be able to do is take care of my kids, other seasons I will branch out to neighbors, others with organizations, and then it might rotate back.

If we are following His leading and His purpose and sharing who He is with others, then we are enough....in Christ. Let us not forget that last part because without Him we are nothing and through Him all things are possible.

Bath Time

Bath time is an event at our house. With four little kids, most things are. I figured out that if I bathe Daphne and Ava together they can have some play time with toys and bubbles and get a good soak. Not to mention, bubbles are necessary so I don't see that the water is brown, and a good soak in necessary because they usually get pretty dirty and sweaty! 

Then I bathe Henry and Fiona separately because, well Henry's a boy and Fiona's a girl. Also, I only have one bather chair, which is a must have on my list for newborns, especially for overseas life. It's small, folds up, light, and fits in a suitcase. All the essentials! 
(http://www.target.com/p/summer-infant-deluxe-baby-bather-blue/-/A-13933368#prodSlot=medium_1_4)

With the bathing and the lotioning and clothing and teeth brushing, I love the complete accomplishment I feel when it is done.

Now, because I have my certain neuroses my favorite is when clean sheets and baths line up. Nothing feels quite so good as to put a clean baby into bed with freshly clean sheets. Ahhhh...satisfaction at the end of day.

Footprints

As I look around our house I am fully aware that we live in a desert. I see four sets of sandy footprints throughout the house, which no matter how much it is swept or mopped, they will be there. Soon enough, there will be six sets of footprints when Henry and Fiona start walking. I love it. I love seeing those little footprints around (okay, maybe not right after it was cleaned...). It reminds me of the constant blessings in my life that God has given me. I have a rich life and wherever we tread in this world, I pray that we would leave behind footprints that lead others to Him.